The terrorist attack on America has captured the attention of the
nation, and it should. Children, however, have a hard time
putting these emotionally charged events into perspective. They
need the help of the adults around them.

So what is a parent, teacher or other caring adult to do when
terrorist violence fills the airwaves and the consciousness of
America?

They probably know
more than you think. The reality of today’s world is that news
travels far and wide. Adults and children learn about tragedies
shortly after they occur, and live video footage with close-ups
and interviews are part of the report. Children and teens are
exposed to the events as soon as they can watch TV or interact
with others who watch it. Not talking about it doesn’t protect
children. In fact, you may communicate that the subject is taboo
and that you’re unavailable if you remain silent.

When tragic events occur, children may be afraid that the same
will happen to them. Some young children may even think that it
already did happen to them. It’s important to let them know
they’re not at risk — if they’re not. Try to be realistic as you
reassure them, however. You can try to support them and protect
them, but you can’t keep all bad things from happening to
children. You can always tell them you love them, though. You can
say that no matter what happens, your love will be with them.
That’s realistic, and often that’s all the children need to feel
better.

Let kids know it’s
OK to talk about the unpleasant events. Listen to what they think
and feel. By listening, you can find out if they have
misunderstandings, and you can learn more about the support they
need. Don’t explain more than they’re ready to hear. But be
willing to answer their questions.

Tell young people if you
feel afraid, angry or frustrated. It can help them to know that
others are upset, too. They might feel that only children are
struggling. If you tell them about your feelings, you can also
tell them about how you deal with the feelings. Be careful not to
overwhelm them or expect them to find answers for you.

Children often are afraid not only for themselves,
but also for people they don’t even know. They learn that many
people are getting hurt. They worry about those people and their
well-being. In some cases, they might feel less secure or cared
for themselves if they see others are hurting. It’s heartwarming
and satisfying to observe this level of caring in children.
Explore ways to help others and ease the pain.

After reassuring
kids, don’t stop there. Studies have shown that children also may
feel sad or angry. Let them express that full range of emotions.
Support the development of caring and empathy. Be careful not to
encourage the kind of response given by one child: “I don’t care
if there’s a war, as long as it doesn’t affect me and my
family.”

Getting
back to a normal schedule helps reassure children that their
world can again be predictable.

Younger children may not be
comfortable or skilled with words, especially in relation to
difficult situations. Using art, puppets, music or books might
help them open up about their reactions. They may want to draw
pictures and then destroy them. Or they could want to display
them or send them to someone else. Be flexible and listen.

One important way to reduce stress is to take action. This is
true for both adults and children. The action may be simple or
more complex. Children may want to write a letter to someone
about their feelings, get involved in an organization committed
to preventing events like the one they’re dealing with, or send
money to help victims or interventionists. Let the young people
help identify the action choices. They may have wonderful ideas.

It’s not enough to let
children take action by themselves. Children feel hope when they
know their parents, teachers or other significant caregivers are
working to make a difference. They feel safer and more positive
about the future. So do something. It’ll make you feel more
hopeful, too. And hope is one of the most valuable gifts we can
give children and ourselves.