As tragic as school shootings like the May 20 Atlanta
incident are, a University of Georgia expert says
parents and other adults
who work with teen-agers can find a silver lining.

“Parents can take it as an opportunity to start talking with,
and listening to,
their teens,” said Don
Bower, an associate
professor of children, youth and families with the UGA College of Family
and Consumer Sciences.

Even that good side, he said, can turn ugly if parents
approach it wrong.

“Take the time to sit down and talk with them, not
to
them,” he said. “Stifle the urge to lecture. Just try to get
them to help you
understand what’s going on in their lives. Ask them what their
friends are saying, and
understand that that is likely what your child is thinking as
well.”

Bower specializes in parenting education, adolescent
development and at-risk youth. He
urges parents and other adults to search with their teens for
ways to prevent such violent
outbreaks.

“The immediate tendency is to look for people or situations
to blame,” he
said. “But it’s more constructive to talk about the
responsibility all of us share –
individuals, families and communities — to see that this sort
of thing doesn’t happen
again.”

Get Teens to Open Up

Bower said parents who don’t already have an open,
communicative relationship with
their teen-age children, though, shouldn’t expect that to
suddenly change.

“Many teens will continue to clam up,” Bower said. “Some
will say some
outlandish things to test their parents.”

Teens often won’t open up with parents out of fear of being
punished or judged.
“They may talk more openly with grandparents, neighbors,
teachers and other trusted
adults,” he said.

Opening lines of communication is more than talking and
listening. “Part of it is
spending time together,” he said. “It’s initiating
opportunities that don’t just
happen with today’s hectic schedules.”

No Simple Answers

Bower said there isn’t a simple way to prevent another
school shooting. But being able
to talk with teens and listen to their problems is part of the
answer.

“Teens generally know the students who are more likely to
act out in violent
ways,” Bower said. “But they can’t tell, any more than anyone
else, which ones
will actually go over the edge. Teens are also sensitive about
turning in friends for what
may be nothing.”

Fellow students may be less likely than adults to offer the
help troubled students
need.

“They don’t want to be perceived as friends to kids who are
less popular,” he
said. “A few may be sufficiently empathic that they try to
befriend them. But most
don’t. That’s a skill, however, that parents and teachers can
model.”

Time With Caring Adults

Schools and families today, he said, often have fewer
adults giving concentrated time
to children. And adults are vital in children’s lives.

“It’s well documented that children with caring adults more
actively involved in

their lives do much better than kids who have less of that,”
Bower said.

But school violence isn’t an issue just for schools. “We
know that violence is a
learned response,” he said. “Children learn how to solve their
problems through
a great many ways in our society.”

Lower Risk of Shootings

Despite all the media coverage of the shootings, Bower
said, the rate of school
violence is actually down. And the fast-approaching summer
break will help cool down the
perception and the risk of more shootings.

“The end of the school year is a stressful time,” he said.
“And there’s
a pattern of copycat behaviors — troubled kids see the
notoriety others get, and they’re
tempted to act out those behaviors.”

With school out for the summer, media coverage will
subside. And school systems are now
much more aware of potential problems. Bower said he expects
the risks will be much lower
when children return to school in the fall.